From The Onion. Slightly not safe for work.

Ahhh...The Onion.

Open thread below...

From The Onion:

White House officials are confident the President will be able to convince the wildfire to stop incinerating large swaths of land and American homes.

From The Onion:

In The Know panelists discuss the closing of the controversial detainee labyrinth and debate whether the Minotaur's sternum-stomping-by-hooves interrogation technique yielded valuable intelligence.

h/t C&L'er Stupid Git

From The Onion:

In The Know's new live internet poll feature revolutionizes how pundits shamelessly cater to what viewers want to hear.

From The Onion:

The President says the purpose of the performance reviews is to have a little face time to make sure we're all on the same page going forward.

Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Sh*t That Doesn't F#@king Work

Obviously not safe for work but funny as hell.
h/t Andy

Bill Moyers essay last night on The Journal was the striking similarity between today's news headlines and the satire of The Onion, quite often impossible to tell apart.

BILL MOYERS: Welcome to the JOURNAL.

We'll begin this new year with some of our favorite headlines from the old. They're all from "The Onion."

Yes, "The Onion," this newspaper of humor, remains the most reliable over-the-counter relief for the blues. We journalists can sometimes be vultures, plucking morsels from a collapsing civilization; it can be a depressing job.

So take it from me, when you're down in the dumps, "The Onion" offers a mood-altering experience that's completely legal, and guaranteed to lift your spirits at least until the next bulletin from the Middle East, the White House or Congress.
...
Nowadays, it's hard to tell "The Onion" from the straight press. How many times a week do you read or hear a story and think, "This has to be a joke."

Moyers finishes with the classic Marx Brothers comedy of 1933, Duck Soup, one of the great films in motion picture history.

So bring on "The Onion" and Jon Stewart. And Stephen Colbert, and Doonesbury, and all the others who channel Mark Twain, Ambrose Bierce and Will Rogers, reminding us that as we live in the Twilight Zone of politics between reality and parody, we are really living in America's 51st state, the state of Freedonia.

That's right, Freedonia, the make-believe country imagined by the Marx brothers in their classic comedy DUCK SOUP. The parallels with the soup we're in are notable, even if the movie is older than I am.

From The Onion:

The pardon assures that Libby will not face any more repercussions for his role in the Valerie Plame scandal or be eaten on Thanksgiving.

From The Onion:

With the economy sliding deeper into a recession, panelists discuss whether it's time to stop throwing our money into a massive pit out in the desert.

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

From the brilliant people at The Onion.

Gotta love The Onion.

(NSFW: Language)