Capitol Police Didn't Laugh at Satirical Onion Post About Congress Taking Schoolchildren Hostage
Most people are aware that The Onion is a satirical site and should not be taken seriously. But apparently their recent post mocking the economic hostage-taking we've seen from members of Congress -- and taking that to its most absurd end -- with them literally taking schoolchildren hostage, didn't sit so well with the Capitol Police this Thursday.
While I can understand their agitation, since I'm sure they had to deal with many people that did not understand this was satire, I have absolutely no sympathy for our current members of Congress, who deserve to be raked over the coals as they were by The Onion.
Here's the story from The Onion that had them terribly upset -- Congress Takes Group Of Schoolchildren Hostage:
'We Need $12 Trillion Or All These Kids Die'
WASHINGTON—Brandishing shotguns and semiautomatic pistols, members of the 112th U.S. Congress took a class of visiting schoolchildren hostage today, barricading themselves inside the Capitol rotunda and demanding $12 trillion dollars in cash.
House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH), who has emerged as spokesman for the bipartisan group, informed FBI negotiators this morning that the ransom was to be placed in stainless-steel suitcases and left on the Capitol steps by 4 p.m. sharp. If their demands are not met in full, the 11-term representative announced, "all the kids will die."
"Bring us the money and we let the children go, simple as that," said Boehner, appearing in the East Portico with a serrated switchblade held to one of the fourth-grader's throats. "If you want to play games and stall for extra time, we're going to shoot one kid an hour, starting with little Dillon here."
"Tick tock," he added, vanishing back into the building with the terrified child in tow.
I won't share any more here because the next line is not safe for work, so just go read the rest. As humorous as their post was, reading their Twitter feed today was laugh out loud funny and possibly more humorous if you got the joke as well and I'll share some of that below the fold.
Here are a few of their Tweets on this article that came in throughout the day and you can follow their entire timeline here.
What the hell?!
This only shows how clueless Congress and other members of the power structure are about the problems facing Americans. Conservatives are the most humorless people (Neidermeyer, Marmalard) on earth. The Left is so cowed by being criticism from the Right, they won't use humor to point out the mean-spirited nature of the right-wing mindset.
"Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy; he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now?"
“Why not go out on a limb? That’s where the fruit is.”
-Will Rogers
.. and it obviously touched a nerve ..
Exactly what is needed now.
When will government of the people, by the politicians, for the corporations perish from this Earth?
Not soon enough!
Hopefully humanity will one day learn to be humane.
I can SO see that.
Anything to be bipartisan.
"Better." It's what we should ask of ourselves and of our leaders.
being the one to fly the jet made me happy I wasn't drinking anything when I read it or the Blackberry might have been toast.
It reminded me of this from a few years ago on the Daily Show:
Daily Show: "John McCain: Reformed Maverick"
I don't want McCain anywhere close to a jet. Before you know it bombs are on the deck and rockets are flying. Boom.......oh SHI........
Bite my shiny metal ass.
http://www.startalkradio.net/
Classic Daily Show.
far left loon >.<
I'm glad to see they included Dems in this satire, because if Dems let the republicans get away with these things, then they are guilty too.
"Government by organized money is just as dangerous as Government by organized mob"
-= Franklin Delano Roosevelt =-
It's time for my president to be tough with republicans. Barack has spent his entire presidency reaching across the aisle, only to have his hand smacked.
Mujin
..congress is astonished that they should be portrayed as psychopathic assholes, even if the portrayal is satire.
Well, guess what congress.
The way you have been acting the last year is the core definition of a psychopathic asshole.
The Onion is merely using absurdity to express how the rest of the country outside the Beltway sees you: A bunch of psychopathic assholes.
When Fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in excess body fat & carrying a misspelled sign.
That's right.
What do they expect when they actually become a kleptocracy? What do you expect, Congress?
"Government by organized money is just as dangerous as Government by organized mob"
-= Franklin Delano Roosevelt =-
Zing. Hilarious.
Capitol police reported state of Capitol normal: Holding Americans hostage to banks and the uber-wealthy.
Capitol police reported state of Capitol normal: Holding Americans hostage to Patriot Act.
Capitol police reported state of Capitol normal: Holding Americans hostage to fake reports of WMD.
Capitol police reported state of Capitol normal: ____________________________
(write your own)
far left loon >.<
The authoritarian mindset is singularly incapable of comprehending irony. Look, I'm as much a fan of the Three Stooges and Laurel and Hardy as the next guy, but if slapstick's all you can appreciate, you are an authoritarian.
An intelligent sense of humor requires... well, intelligence, as well as an ability to understand and appreciate the tragedy inherent in all good comedy, and a sense of self-awareness... the poster children for right wing the have no such things, nor can they understand why people think things are humorous.
In the marketplace of ideas, too many people shop in the bargain basement.
-- Thunder BlueRose
Why, yes, I am a card-carrying member of the ACLU
http://saxman.bravepages.com
The joke is the corporate media, and those idiots on camera who call themselves "journalists."
Say, didn't I just quote you earlier, DPW, or was that the other guy? Tell Inigo "Hola" for me!
/smile
In the marketplace of ideas, too many people shop in the bargain basement.
-- Thunder BlueRose
Why, yes, I am a card-carrying member of the ACLU
http://saxman.bravepages.com
Capitol police reported state of Capitol normal: The Maine twins volunteer to change David Vitter's dirty diapers.
When Fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in excess body fat & carrying a misspelled sign.
Con. Definition
(a.) Against
(n.) The argument or vote against something
(re) gress; Definition
To go back; move backward. 2. To return to a previous, usually worse or less developed state. ...
Sounds about right.
First they ignore us..then they ridicule us..now they are feeding us chicken crap- sign my petition:
http://www.change.org/petitions/fda-stop-feed...
www.ickenittlepost.com
...con - against; gress - movement backwards
congress - against movement backwards? that would be progress, wouldn't it? I'm confused.
Mickey: "It was an epiphany. Do you know what an epipany is?"
Keoni: "NOT NOW MICKEY!"
suppose they reported some country had WMD's....
or missiles were pointed at America....
or that the Dixie Chicks weren't proud of President Obama being from Hawaii....
Somebody might have started a war...
No. Clue. At all.
can only be explained by them admitting that it isn't clearly satire - it describes an act that isn't clearly out of character for the Congressional GOP - the behavior described is too close to being believable.
Minus the guns 'n' stuff it is basically true.
far left loon >.<
in bed cuddling with the lobbyists and their corporations....
holding the future for ransom...
The Congressional Industrial Complex....
and an unfortunate minority of alert and knowledgeable citizenry....
Wow, glad i looked here first before i would post about this on my facebook and freak out about it.
(i don't have facebook. I'm cool so i have google + :p)
Bite my shiny metal ass.
http://www.startalkradio.net/
A subscriber to an onion feed gets a notice about something despite what the onion is and why they followed it, assume that it was real?
When did the Onion become a legit, non-satirical latest breaking news service?
And it snowballs from there?
And it makes the news is a tut-tut kinda way?
How many dumb-arse monkeys were involved in this to get it this far?
Wouldn't be the first time someone mistaken an Onion article for realz. :)
Bite my shiny metal ass.
http://www.startalkradio.net/
http://tinyurl.com/yabkv4u
Nailed him right out the gate!
"We need to make books cool again.
If you go home with somebody and they don't have books, don't fuck them."
- John Waters
Hey its sad but they are almost as correct on the "news" as Fox is with the so called reporting and with their fact checker. If people are going to believe Beck, Limbaugh or O'Riley then why wouldn't they believe the Onion?
Maybe the Onion could do a follow up story.
The one where the Capitol Police actually go out and to their jobs rather than puffing about a satire article.
Or, where the Onion sends them a copy of a dictionary to the Department head with the word SATIRE bolded in yellow.
the next government shutdown rumored next week, word around town the price of peanut m and ms went up a quarter , this will not stand
speede14
The sad thing is, Congress has taken 300,000,000 hostages, and the Capitol Police aren't doing a damn thing about it!
"Trust no one, Mr. Mulder." - Well-Manicured Man
.
"Parachutes are allowed in checked or carry-on baggage, but may not be worn in flight."
---Southwest Airlines
My only reaction to this is that if you're so grossly uninformed that you didn't recognize that The Onion story was SATIRE, you are a first rate idiot.
This reminds me of the 64 year old hoax known as "The War of the Worlds" that was perpetrated by Orson Welles. If these idiots had merely taken the time to just change the radio channel, or in this case, check other news sources they would have known it was a hoax. Just another example of the total gullibility of the average American citizen. Fox News (and Fox Lite, CNN) figured that out a long time ago, in fact they are counting on it to maintain their ratings.
Fer chrissakes, people, use the brains that were issued to you for something other than picking which latte you want at Starbucks....
Democratic Party progressive, Vietnam veteran and proud Union member for 41 years
just like they did previously (http://videocafe.crooksandliars.com/heather/f...), only "accidentally" saying it was the Democrats holding the hostages in their chyron.
Orson Wells didn't perpetrate a hoax. It was a radio show. It's true that he didn't use as many disclaimers as he may have, but he never pretended it was anything more than it was...a fiction.
And readers of The Onion know that the whole thing is fiction and satire.
I think the problem comes from this...In order for something to be funny, there has to be a grain of truth, something you can identify.
The right wing lies constantly. Since the truth is not in them, when they try to joke, it's based on a lie and therefore it's not funny.
Pursue Happiness
I wonder what form the capital police agitation took. Do you suppose the republicans were the source of that agitation? 'Hissy' fit perhaps, because they can't face the truth - that they have truly become a kleptocracy?
"Government by organized money is just as dangerous as Government by organized mob"
-= Franklin Delano Roosevelt =-
The average American IS pretty gullible, but most of them aren't stupid. That why they haven't fallen for the uber-Orson-Wellian tales and ideology incessantly spun by MSNBC that naturally keeps it in the ratings basement for Kool-aid drinking cult fans.
trying to tell us crosscriss, oh I'm sorry you got me mixed up. MSNBC is the bad guy???????????
I like the twist on Orwell, but MSNBC is not the propagandist organization that the Rethugs have in FOX.
Pursue Happiness
...are just mad because The Onion portrayal of them hits too close to home.
"Hey, DAMMIT! We were gonna save the hostage-taking of CHILDREN as a last resort...you know, just in case we LOST the 2012 elections! You stole our idea!"
...but I'm not so sure I can so easily buy the "virtual theater" distinction. As much as we complain that the MSM presents their stenography without nuance or context, it appears the Onion's tweets were received the same way, as in the shouting "fire!" part of the equation.
I can't see that there was a criminal act, yet I'll allow that the Onion was a little fast and loose with the sensationalism. You'll be hard put to find a more vociferous defender of the First Amendment than I, but it's not funny when the ignorant become agitated (see Party, Tea).
This is the world we live in, love it or leave it.
"If there's anything I can't stand, it's ignorance!"
,,,doesn't the term "sensationalism" refer to when someone is misleadingly reporting on what is an actual news story?
The Onion is NOT NEWS. It is NEVER NEWS. It is satire, it is comedy, it cannot POSSIBLY be "sensationalism."
Not unless you're also going to claim that the Wacky Packages stickers I loved as a kid were "sensationalism" because the Velveeta Cheese parody, "Valve Eater Cheese," does not accurately reflect the true properties of Velveeta, since it doesn't eat valves. (I think.)
Nothing George Carlin said was "sensationalism." Nothing Richard Pryor said was "sensationalism."
Non of the writing in Mad Magazine, National Lampoon, and The Onion is "sensationalism."
Thank you for your time and attention to this matter.
http://www.jafafahots.com
They are confusing sensationalism with satire. Personally, I love this "Modest Proposal" approach to calling out exactly what the Republican party seems to be embracing these days. Worked for Swift...and much in the same way...with quite a bit of uproar when the rich populace at large thought he was completely serious.
Reminds me of times when people think Stephen Colbert is really a conservative...
Fuckin' awesome!
"Parachutes are allowed in checked or carry-on baggage, but may not be worn in flight."
---Southwest Airlines
Somebody doesn't have enough work to keep them busy.
me-oww!
The whole pathetic story is believable to a large part of the population!
I could really imagine Boehner ordering a special lunch while making his young hostages go hungry. In fact, he and his Repuglican buds actually do that every day in the House. They love to slash programs and pull the last social supports from under the poor.
Yes, the Onion was right on. Congress has taken the children, and the entire nation, hostage for real!
Especially this part:
far left loon >.<
Maybe the Onion has gone too far this time. I look down at my cell phone and see the numbers, 9,1,1, and I remember that day. Too soon? Could be. Kidding on the square? Maybe. These are violent men, these senators. Why you think they call it a millionaire's club? Because it costs a lot, and you beat people with it.
If not now, then who? If not in the Onion, then why? I read the papers, between the lines all I see is white space, nothing. They're too busy typing on their little computers to get any writing done. Meanwhile, out in the real world...Hang on a sec...it's night time, and cooler than before.
We're living in a Rumsfeldian nightmare, stuck between East, West, South and North of fuck you. Cops are always the last to wake up.
The Federalist Society (who drive most court battles it would seem) is seriously pushing for Google search regulations. Seriously...
All over 'man on dog' Santorum.
Sure, I think it was childish to link Santorum with what they did on Google. but it was stupid and childish to say that legalizing gay marriage would then permit 'man on dog' action.
He deserved some kind of recognition for using the blight wing dog whistle to inflame the idiot brigades across this country.
Now if only 'Limbaugh' would bring up images of rectal cysts...
The problem with American politics right now is Republican extremism, and if you’re not willing to say that, you’re helping make that problem worse.
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